Am I sexist?

Chivalry may be dead in Sweden, but be careful what you wish for – Mo Kudeki discovers it’s hard to shake American gender roles.

Guys in America do a bunch of things for girls that are sort of nice but also sort of patronizing: trying to pay for your coffee (sometimes even when you aren’t dating them!), opening doors for you, and carrying your bag.

I’ve always found these practices obnoxious and unnecessary.  Do we really have to argue about who is going to pay for my $3 coffee, every time?  Leave me alone!

Sweden is well-known for being a very gender-equal society – smaller wage gap between the genders than in the US, paternity leave, etc.

Most of this chivalrous nonsense is also nonexistent.  Great, exactly what I wanted, right?

Except that it’s incredibly annoying.

When a guy at a nation or a club says, “do you want a drink?” the conventional wisdom is that Swedish guys never pay – actually, they do, but only about 25% of the time in my experience.

But every time a guy DOESN’T offer to pay, my gut reaction is, “What’s this guy’s problem!?”

Guys here only very rarely come up to a girl and start a conversation.  That’s fine in theory, as I actually love being the conversation-starter, and nothing is creepier than the “I can’t let a pretty girl stand in a club on her own” pickup line American guys sometimes use.

Yet I feel ignored and unpopular when I realize that if I DON’T start a conversation, I will just sit there alone.

However I’m not here to complain about Swedish social norms – that’s not what bothers me.  The disturbing thing is that I am having some negative reactions to living in a more equal society.

I consider myself rather independent, and a feminist – I definitely don’t like the idea that I need male attention to feel validated, attractive, or to have fun.  And apparently, I am both offended if a guy DOES pay for my coffee, and if he DOESN’T.  Sorry, that is just insane.

The first time I noticed a clear difference from America, I was walking through a hallway carrying a large and heavy box.  When I tried to open a door, I could do it, but it involved some mild struggling.  There were plenty of guys around, and yet no one tried to help me with the door.

I was at first irritated that no one was rushing to my aid.  Then, I became irritated because I realized I EXPECTED someone, specifically, a guy, to help me.  I don’t want to feel that way!

It also made me wonder what other gender roles and sexism I have internalized, and how it affects my life in subtler ways.

Perhaps I’m being too hard on myself – I’m reacting to behaviors that are directly opposed to my past 22 years of social programming.  It’s fascinating to find that I don’t even know what my ideals are.

Culture shock gives you the chance to reexamine your culture in a new light.  Just be prepared to not always like what you find out about yourself.

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127 comments

  1. Twirling_vetgurl4

    Don’t take it too hard, in case you didn’t notice in our ealc women class, I also have a total double standard about guys. Like the whole stay at home dad thing: lazy or progressive?
    Also, the box thing is no big deal, probably someone should have helped you (man or woman) because it’s nice.

  2. Hey I like your story and self-realization. I went thru something close in Japan; I used to rush over to help women and old people carry their bags up stairs at train stations, but that actually caused more harm than good, because they thought I was trying to steal from them! It made me rethink things a little, and changed my somewhat one-sided views. Self- realizations are a great part of international living, and I am happy to see you freely express yours, even when some of the ones we have don’t make us feel so good. Keep up the great work!

  3. Maybe you’re just a bitchy person…

  4. So what kind of common ground can we find here? I feel like this is an issue that is not so easily recognized as the double standards against men have been internalized in the US as well. I am glad however that you have started to realize this.

  5. I’m from the UK and I’m more than happy to offer help to strangers, both women and men, if I see they may require it and I’m in a position to offer assistance. I’d like to think my view is fairly representative of my country when I say that; offering someone help when you feel they might need shouldn’t have an ulterior motive or be based on their gender, it’s part of the social contract that we’re all enrolled in by our participation in society. Now I’m not saying that I go far out of my way to help people, but holding open doors or helping someone carry a pushchair with a child in down a flight of stairs isn’t a drastic act of charity, it’s common courtesy.
    On the other hand, if I’m with my girlfriend I will open doors for her and such, not because I feel she needs it, but because only through these small acts can I physically manifest my deeper regard for her needs and display how I prioritise these above mine almost constantly in every day life. I’d say that she would consider herself a feminist but she’d never begrudge or belittle these small acts out of concern that I was being condescending and patronising.
    In conclusion I feel that chivalry and courtesy, while similar, are not the same and have very different aims and conventions. It sounds to me that from your experience both are dead in Sweden.

    • Tell me Jack, for all these niceties that you do for your girlfriend, what do you get in return? A look of approval? Perhaps sex? Does the sex hinge on your continued sevitude?

    • Jack, you sound like an incredibly sound man! But if you think courtesy is dead in Sweden, you should try Norway. I feel positively overshowered with help from kind strangers when here, in the icy north it is each woman to her own. Survive or perish!

    • She doesn’t sound like a feminist if she embraces gender roles with unidirectional chivalry. No doubt she maintains gender roles as well which make manifest her deeper regard for your needs and display how she prioritizes them above hers.  Perhaps by washing and ironing your clothes.  

  6. You may not be sexist, however, your expectations are.

  7. Anyone can open a door; maybe Swedes are just jerks (including the women). Then again, maybe you’re just realizing that women like attention from men, and vice versa. Oh noes!

  8. well isn’t sweden great like you paint it?
    I hope it really is “truly equal” in that we leave you to beg for help.
    that would be awesome.
    too bad it isn’t really.

    feminism is alive in sweden as well as in the US and it’s not a good thing for anyone , especially men.

    • agreed. most “Feminists” today are not actually feminists. feminism is gender equality. they want more than that. they get more than that(ex: women’s day. where is the men’s day?). today’s “feminist” is more like a female-supremacist.

      • i understand your point, that a lot of media is woman centric. the fact is, if there was a “men’s day”, there’s a high chance not many men would read it. simple economics. but that only raises the question, why wouldn’t men buy it?

      • i suggest a Nazi day, that’d be great

      • This is the most accurate comment I’ve read here so far.

  9. So you are basically never happy. Got it.

  10. yep, you’re a stupid ass bitch alright

    make your mind up you dumb twat

  11. Chilvary_Is_Not_Dead

    Everyone needs the opposite sex to feel validated. That’s how mating works. I live in Chicago, and I take every opportunity to be chivalrous to both men and women. It’s not because of the sex, it’s because it’s the right and courteous thing to do. If you feel that someone buying you coffee is insulting, then you are looking to far into it. It’s, more than likely, a nice gesture.

    Aside from that, you’re clearly a sexist.

  12. no just typical female whore

  13. You are a cunt, got it.

  14. i couldn’t consider you sexist. you are simply a product of a gender-based, patriarchal society. i think you are doing exactly as anyone should when encountered by the challenges of cultural differences- you’re questioning your own social conditioning and evaluating what aspects are worth practicing or abandoning. kudos to you!

    and pay no mind to the trolls on here so quick to bash you from the comfort-zone of internet anonymity with dim-witted conjecture.

    • As you sit in the comfort zone of internet anonymity and bash the bashers.

      Does being the secondary basher put you on a higher horse?

    • Yes, it is the patriarchy which buys her coffees’ and drinks at bars, and those men (who may or may not earn less than her) do not reside in a culture where such generosity is reciprocated. Obviously a patriarchy, since the woman has more control and all.

  15. There is no such thing as courtesy in Sweden, people push and shove, slam doors in your face,etc, regardless of gender. Says a Swede living (and being fed up) in Sweden. I totally agree with you, but I think there is a difference between common courtesy, and always wanting to pay for coffee. I can pay for my coffee, but would’nt mind someone holding the door when I have my hands full. that happens 1/100 in Sweden. most of the time someone helps you, it’s a woman. Absolutely worst are middle-aged men. greetings from Stockholm.

    • courtesy not chivalry

      What I’ve been saying for years now is that I much prefer common courtesy to chivalry. Why am I such a special snowflake that I should have doors opened for me and packages carried for me when someone with a penis wouldn’t get the same common courtesy? It’s ridiculous. As a woman, I’m perfectly capable of being courteous to others by holding doors, etc. Why would anyone prefer a society where only men are responsible for helping people out? I assure you, we gals can be quite good at helping out too.

  16. Feminism is a disease. A societal mental illness propagated by those who wished to destroy our culture completely so that some bleak, meaningless Orwellian existence could take its place. Men would be men again if women would be women. When genders are brutally equalized socially, the stronger sex feels like some sort of degraded serf if he helps the weaker sex. Women are supposed to be independent, let them do for themselves then, is the feeling. When you women decide you need men again, as something more than a slave, just let us know.

    • That’s cool, you are welcome to sit over there and wait. Personally, I’m not interested in interacting socially with anyone who thinks of me as “the weaker sex”.

      • This comment should have more “likes” than the one it’s a reply to. There is something wrong here.

      • Think about that next time you can’t open a jar and there isn’t a man around to help you.

      • lol. Typical feminist. No logic, all ad hominem.

      • Well physically, women are the weaker sex. Don’t think many will argue with that. Women are very strong in other ways. We complement each other.

        The problem comes when both tries to assume the same part in the societal play, and we get sameness and resentment instead of equality and happiness.

      • youre not even a real woman. on your website you call yourself a ‘transwoman’, which means youre a freak.

      • “Personally, I’m not interested in interacting socially with anyone who thinks of me as “the weaker sex”.”

        But you ARE the weaker sex, by about 20% on average.

        • no one is arguing against the difference in physical strength, but the way the writer put it was not specific enough to differentiate between this and gender equality.

    • Feminism is about equality. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. Equality.

      • No, feminism is by no means about equality, it´s about female supremacy. And, it does matter if you´re a man or a woman.

      • Which is why women must not be treated with any more courtesy than men.   The writer’s Sweden experience in struggling to ope the door while carrying something fairly heavy without anyone offering to help was exactly how things should be.  Since that’s how a man would be treated, that’s how a woman should be treated as well.

  17. From Missouri. If I see anyone, not just women, carrying something heavy, or moving in or out, I offer to help. It’s just the right thing to do.

  18. Chivalry is dead, and women killed it.

    We can talk about being equal once I see more women in engineering, construction and technology fields let alone the countless other fields where they are absent…

    This fantasy world were men and women are equal is completely absurd. If you think there is some problem in being DIFFERENT than you’re the unbalanced one. Like it or not, we are not all equal, we are different.. That doesn’t mean that one is of lesser value, purpose or standing… It just means that we’re different. So while we should consider improving our attitudes to those whom are different, it doesn’t mean we should attempt to kill different.

    Go ahead and fight nature, in fact, I much invite you to do so! I’m always up for a good laugh.

    Keep rocking out that man bashing and double standard crap ladies… Just keep it up… You’ll either end up as a single mom or living a lonely life in a house you renovated all on your own, filled with cats. With no one to talk to or love, except the cats.

    Men can handle equality, men can handle strong independent women. I like all people to possess those qualities. Men however, will not handle or tolerate this double standard crap.

    • You’re an idiot.

    • As a woman in engineering, I await your acknowledgment that we are equal.

      Actually, attitudes like yours are exactly what is keeping women out of engineering. You’re right that we’re not all equal in everything. You probably can’t play basketball nearly as well as Michael Jordan. But that’s not because of your gender. You probably don’t understand complex cryptography as well as I do. But again, that’s not because of your gender. Every human being is different. But our genders are not a useful way to explain this difference.

      • Stupid mother nature, letting mammals evolve the way they do. What’s wrong with her?

      • Astraea IMO the professions the poster listed were a bad choice. We see women entering into traditionally male occupations. Well at least they’re entering the white collar jobs such as the desk engineering jobs, lawyers, etc. But, we don’t see them working in steel mills or mining or some other high risk industry. Workplace deaths are still overwhelmingly male. I spent my summers in college working physical labor in a warehouse for poverty level wages. No women there either! Nor is there any push to have women serve in active combat. There was some study several weeks ago saying women were underrepresented in the military brass. The study didn’t say women were underrepresented in combat deaths, though they are.

        So in that sense, I won’t consider a woman an equal in the workplace until that stuff changes. And honestly, the fact you’re a female engineer is not impressive when considering the advantages a female engineer gets. Hiring quotas, female only scholarships, female assistance groups, etc. Does anyone really want to force our industry to hire based on gender and race, while our industry can’t compete in the global market?

        So yeah you said it, lets not allow gender explain our differences. But rather lets use ability and merit.

        • Those jobs are actually more undesirable because of the way that women are treated working those jobs, not because of the actual work required of them at those jobs. They are run out of ‘traditionally male’ occupations by men like yourself. That’s the long and short of it.

          • This is stupid. Then why are females entering some male jobs but not others? Is coal mining special for some reason? Yes, there are physical labor jobs females just can’t physically do. I am so tired of people living in fantasy worlds.

          • Women and men want to take desirable jobs, ones that pay well, aren’t too physically dangerous, and are interesting. No one wants to be a coal miner, if they see other realistic job prospects. But claiming that women not entering some male jobs makes them unequal is like claiming that the lack of males in elementary school education proves that males are inferior. In other words, it’s a ridiculous argument.

          • “Women and men want to take desirable jobs, ones that pay well, aren’t too physically dangerous, and are interesting.”

            You mean the reason women are absent from male dominated fields is because of…..CHOICE? YIKES! What about the evil “patriarchy”?! /s

          •  Good point!

        • No wonder women are underrepresented in combat deaths, since in most societies they are not allowed to enter into combat. Makes some sense, and anyway, why would they want to be in combat? They generally have the larger economic and caring burden when it comes to children and old people, so they can’t “afford” to put themselves in that sort of danger.

          As for the warehouse, what youre saying is rubbish. Ive worked in lots of warehouses and in several of them far more than half the staff were women or girls. And yes, I mean the people on the floor with the fork lifts, not the secretaries. I suppose that when you have a management that is not afraid to employ women, and an atmosphere where they are made to feel comfortable, its no problem finding women who are willing to do the work. It’s better money than most of the “female” jobs at the same level of education (care homes, kindergarten, etc) anyway.

          Basically, it is ridiculous to say that we are forever bound by irreconcilable gender differences. Sure, I wouldnt want to trade my boobs for… whatever you people have, but I can hardly say that I have ever displayed any more psycological or physical weakness than any man, or ineptitude at maths or hunting for wild boar or whatever you seem to think men are so good at in their spare time. There is no evidence that men in general can do anything women in general cant do….

          …except pee standing up.

        • I didn’t work a steel mill or mining job in high school because I could make a lot more money doing white collar work. And personally, I have never found low paying jobs that are physically dangerous to be appealing. You need women to want to do shitty jobs, in order to consider them equal? It’s an odd attitude.

          Fewer women die in combat (underrepresented is just a very wrong word when talking about deaths) because they are still prohibited from taking front line duties. Legal constraints are then used to justify the inequality it creates.

          • You mean the reason women are absent from male dominated fields is because of…..CHOICE? YIKES! What about the evil “patriarchy”?! /s

      • As a man in engineering I say unless you’re not going to have kids & take maternity leave while the child-free subsidise your wage & look after your projects during time off you’re not my equal!

        • Oh, yes. Maternity leave is a fucking party, ain’t it. You’re just jealous, huh?

          Do we even exist in the same universe?

        • Men tend to fall ill much more frequently and have more workplace injuries than women. Unless you don’t ever fall ill, and are never injured and thus out of the workplace, you are not my equal.

          I’m not your equal. I don’t intend to merely be your equal.

          • That’s incorrect.  Women take 50% more sick leave than men.   Don’t believe me.  Google it.

        • how about turning it around and saying that unless you – being male – aren’t taking paternity leave for your kids, you’re not her equal? The human race has to have kids in order to survive, right, and someone’s going to have to raise the kids. Considered that is a necessity, shouldn’t that be split between the genders for equality according to your reasoning?

        • then maybe women should stop having children.

      • Your position in engineering is borne of the entitlement quota system enforced by the State. If you don’t believe me, apply for a few positions of employment using two identical resume’s. One as a man the other as a woman. When the “woman” resume lights up your return email like new years in New York City while the “man” resume looks like a power outage, then you’ll know the truth.

      • It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!

        Or…women aren’t built for it.

  19. Sounds like you are trying to blame guys again for your “past 22 years of social programming”. Instead of being a feminist, you need to realise that there are good and bad things about being either gender, and appreciate your advantages without taking advantage if that makes any sense. This isn’t about yourself, this is about seeing reality of a more equeal society and it not appearing as satisfying as you once imagined. Keep doing the culture shock thing though, keep broadening your horizons and questioning everything including your values and morals.

  20. Sounds like you are trying to blame guys again for your “past 22 years of social programming”. Instead of being a feminist, you need to realise that there are good and bad things about being either gender, and appreciate your advantages without taking advantage if that makes any sense. This isn’t about yourself, this is about seeing reality of a more equeal society and it not appearing as satisfying as you once imagined. Keep doing the culture shock thing though, keep broadening your horizons and questioning everything including your values and morals.

  21. TL;DR Men are always wrong, no matter what they do.

  22. “I am both offended if a guy DOES pay for my coffee, and if he DOESN’T. Sorry, that is just insane.” Awareness is the first step

  23. why must you assume that sexism is the root of every action. holding a door open for someone is common courtesy. buying someone a drink, coffee, lunch, dinner etc. is just being nice. I and almost everyone i know will open the door and pick up the cheque when eating out with a friend; no matter if its a guy or a girl. I have opened doors for men & women, and men & women have opened doors for me.

    moral of this story: don’t make someone a sexist for being courteous or nice.

  24. Feminism_is_evil

    No offense, but this girl exemplifies the very reason I would never marry an American girl. I am a 22 year old male from the U.S., but have had the opportunity to do extensive traveling. When it comes to being annoying, feminist bitches, American women certainly take the cake. I’d much prefer a more feminine girl who doesn’t act like a presumptuous cunt all the time, and enjoys being treated like a lady.

    • men and women are people

      So the fact that she’s taking a step back and objectively evaluating her reactions to try and figure out the most reasonable and mature attitudes to have somehow makes her a “bitch”?

      Yeah, do American women a favor and please DON’T try to date us.

      • i agree with you, it’s good to see she’s aware of her programming. i would have liked to see some insight from her in regards to what action she will take in changing her ideals. the fact she thinks she may be too hard on herself gives the impression that she may just live with it rather than change.

  25. I don’t care that you’re crazy, I’d still ram dat ass.

  26. Would you have helped ME with a heavy box? If I was in your situation and you were standing around, would you have rushed over to help?

    I think you would have been completely oblivious. Getting free stuff just because you’re pretty (And let’s be honest, it’s not because you’re “female” it’s because you’re attractive) Well I don’t want to say it’s crap, but it’s clearly not fair.

  27. Chivalry is dead because feminists wanted to have their cake and eat it too. They wanted special right for women under the pretense of “equality”… even WOMEN are exposing the scam of feminism: http://goo.gl/f4pXo

  28. Don’t worry no one will buy you coffee or open the door for you after the age of 40 so enjoy it while it lasts.

  29. Maybe some guys just get joy and happiness out of serving others; especially the opposite sex. I will never stop holding the door, offering to pay, etc. because I believe in giving women respect, and treating them like ladies. I guess I’m just old-fashioned.

    • don’t be ashamed to admit it gives you a tingling sensation in your balls. the hope for sex with the unknown is appealing.

  30. I’d help another guy with the door if he was struggling with stuff in his hands. However, I would be far more hesitant to help a woman for precisely the reason of Ms Kudek’s tortuously twisted logic, tightly entwined with solopsitic emotionalism that is so typical of many modern woman.

  31. Ever notice that nobody says anything like “gyzyntite” or “bless you” when you sneeze?
    You’d get the occasional “Prosit!” But it happens quite rarely in my experience.

    • That has to be the worst botch of “gesundheit” I have ever seen in my life.

    • i never understood saying something when somebody sneezes… i can’t imagine anyone saying “bless you” if i rip out a huge fart or a massive burp. they are after all just bodily functions used to expel something from the body…

  32. Womens equality, is more properly defined as privilege and entitlements enforced by the guns of the state. Reproductive rights for women equal no rights for men, not even to a live child. Women kill children and the state eases their concience calling it a reproductive right, as if women are Gods deciding when life begins and who lives or dies. A mans taxes pays to have a woman kill his child.

    Married women can commit adultery, divorce and retain 100% child custody then extort money while denying the father equal custody. If he refuses or can’t afford this extortion racket the very taxes he paid into are used to incarcerate him. He has paid for his own imprisonment.

    In education the guns of the State enforce women recieve equal or more then men, if 100 slots are open in any particular class and 100 men scored the highest for that class, only 50 can go or the class is cut. A fathers taxes are used to keep his own son out of college.

    In employment the guns of the State ensure that women are employed reguardless of qualifications. If 1000 men are better qualified for a position a woman will still get the job or the guns of the State will shut them down. If a company has 1000 employees, all men, in manufactuing and needs no more employees. The State demands women be hired but they won’t be doing manual labor, the company makes up busy work in human resources, since they still need to make a profit, they garnish the wages of the men to pay for the quota system. Mens taxes are used by the State to pay them less.

    Womens so call equality is artificial. Every man has the State holding a gun to his head with one hand while the other hand holds his wallet to pay for women to literally kill him and his children, steal his wealth, rob him of all his social, education, political and economic power. If he doesn’t submit to this system his taxes are used to jail him.

  33. Considerate A$$hole

    I hate how women expect men to buy them drinks at clubs just so they can drink it and move on to the next sucker. Sorry, but Homie don’t play that.

    As for opening doors, I also do that for other men, the elderly and handicapped (even though they do get the self opening doors).

  34. haha. What a cunt rag.

  35. Actually, you can’t blame it all on the gender equality we have in sweden, some of it are just that swedes are actually very introvert in nature, so if men (people) don’t start talking to you in a bar, that might just as well be a symptom of that rather than that men want you to take the first step.

    • What she describes is very consistent with gender equality.  Evidently the 25% of men who will buy drinks represents the ones aren’t feminist.  A feminist wouldn’t want and definitely wouldn’t expect that.

  36. Mo Kudeki you’re a moron. And your welcome, this one’s free. Next time I want a coffee for pointing that out to you.

  37. I found this very fascinating to read! I’m from Sweden, but at the moment living in the US and experiencing the exact opposite. And you won’t imagine how many discussions I’ve ended up in for telling other girls that I can open my own door or, carry my own grocery bags and pay my own drink. It’s not like they are not feminists, they just think I’m stupid for not just accepting what is so common here.

    • Awesome! I sort of wondered what it would feel like in reverse, too. So does it make you uncomfortable then for guys to do that? And have you ever mentioned it to them (while/after they do one of those things)? What are the girls’ reactions when you discuss with them?

  38. After reading this made me think of this great Homer Simpsons qoute:
    http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/used17.mp3

  39. That is so true!!! I consider myself a feminist as well, but having lived n other cultures I realize how sexist I really am… but don’t worry my friend, we are just the beginning of this movement of equalizing the gender roles in America!!!!! :) We should just press on, and realize our own short-comings and with grace try to change the culture.

    • That’s good!  As a feminist, you shouldn’t expect or even want to be treated any differently than a man would be treated in the same situation.  That is true equality.  Anything else is anti-feminist.

  40. Key is never to take anything for granted, period. :)

  41. I don’t think gender should play a part in being courteous and chivalrous to others.. I’m all sorts of up for equal rights, but it should not cancel out being kind and considerate to people.

    Another thing, is that this refers to political rights; a man and woman can work the same job for equal pay and equal right to do their job without harassment from anyone.

    Though in today’s society where there is no true necessary need for gender roles due to changing cultures and the sort of lifestyles we now live. But one thing people forget is that men and women will never be biologically equal. Both sexes will experience pain differently and have different strong points and different weak points.

    Were meant to complement each other, though it is not a necessity to complement each other since we no longer require the other for survival.

    BACK TO THE POINT. Equal rights is equal rights, but still be chivalrous and kind to others no matter what they have hiding between their legs.

  42. Perhaps what you dreamt of was in fact was not of equality as you first thought, but instead of feeling special. The american guys who saw you as a pretty girl alone and came up to you offering to buy a drink treated you no different to anyone else who had breasts and a pretty face. The Swedish guys who ignores you did the same. I believe that often people who strongly hold onto particular believes often do so because they want to have a purpose or excuse for something else, we do it sub-consciously I believe. Being a feminist for you may very well have given you an identity, and now what you thought you were fighting for is gone so you are left confused.

    I live in Sweden and also come from elsewhere, and after almost 16 years here I honestly believe that the “equality” in this society is not all it seems. In some ways I think Swedish women are more oppressed than anywhere else I have ever been because of one aspect of the feminism that seems to exist here – the “Super rediculously high expectations on everything especially one’sself” desease. A name given by a former Texan collegue of mine. It means that there is this huge expectation on women to have the perfect career, the perfect body, the perfect make-up, the perfect cloths, the perfect apartment, the perfect partner, the perfect family, and it is all up to women to make it happen. Hence many women burn out, leave their partners (who were never perfect anyway), and end up living alone with cats. Stockholm has the highest number of people living alone in any city in the world, as well as one of the highest rates of suicide.

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